I Told My Son to Shut Up!!!

Driving home from running errands, about five minutes from our destination, my son starts complaining that his hands are sticky.  I explain to him, calmly that I don’t have anything to wipe his hands however that we are almost home and we will wash his hands as soon as we get there.  Most people can manage the discomfort of sticky hands, but that day my son had met his threshold for sensory input.  So, in retrospect, the stickiness of his hands probably felt like he had them in a vat of syrup.   

Out came the tools we learned at Occupational Therapy.  “How big is this problem” I asked calmly.  Too late, he was beyond thinking the problem through.   On and on and on he went.  And then, I lost my calm said “Shut-up!”   My son replied, “No, you shut-up!”  Oh boy…

And so, once we arrived home and washed his hands…three times…I apologized and explained calmly to him that Mommy was trying to drive and it was distracting to Mommy when he was having a tantrum in the back seat.  I also promised myself that I would put some wipes in the car!

Then, I called my girlfriend and told her of my awful parenting moment.  She laughed.  She assured me that telling my son to shut-up in a frustrating parenting moment didn’t make me Monster Mommy. 

You see the problem is that I had this vision of myself as a mother before our son was born.  And, what my son would be like for that matter.  Well…reality is not in line with the dream.   But, I have learned that perhaps my son doesn’t need the mother I thought I would be, but rather the mother I am.  Even if I do tell him to “shut-up” sometimes.