We all know someone who we would describe as
quirky. And we all have little quirks
and habits that are part of our personality.
As long as those quirks aren’t being done in an
effort to manage underlying anxieties and do not disrupt everyday life for the
person and those around him then it is usually not an issue.
According to the Oxford Dictionary, Quirky is
an adjective used to describe peculiar or unexpected traits. Sometimes when a child presents in ways that
are unexpected it can cause discomfort for both the child and the people around
him. We expect people to behave
according to the norms of our society.
My goal as a parent is to ensure my son can manage as successfully as
possible within these social norms and to be aware of how others might react to
him should he behave in an unexpected way.
For example, our son has a favorite blanky,
which happens to be pink. He takes it
everywhere, including school. It lives
in his back pack while he is in class, however will often come out during the
after school program. It is a source of
comfort for him. Some children have
noticed the blanky. I explained to him
that for a child his age it is unexpected that he takes his blanky to school
and other children might ask questions about the blanky. He was fine with this and chose to continue bringing
his blanky to school.
Some behaviours however interfere with
completing school work or interacting with other children during play. For example, our son used to hold his hands
up as if comparing his palms and then shake his hands out. It was odd and noticed by other children who
would ask why he was doing it. It also
interfered with writing time because he would need to put his pencil down and
his focus was interrupted. After we
ruled out a physical issue with his hands, we ignored the behaviour in hopes it
would cease. The behaviour did stop,
however was replaced by another equally odd behaviour. There was obviously a purpose to these
behaviours. Our son had developed these
as a means of coping in times of discomfort or overstimulation.
So, we needed to do three things: educate our son on what are expected and
unexpected behaviours; offer more socially acceptable and less noticeable ways
of dealing with anxiety; and educate the adults (including ourselves) who
interact with him on a regular basis on how to best support him. It has been a process, a process which still
continues. Some quirks will remain and
new ones will develop. The key is not to
change our son, but to offer him the tools he needs to self-monitor and be able
to ask for help when he needs it.
