In my last blog post I
talked about emotional self-regulation. What is it and how can we help
facilitate good emotional self-regulation in our children. Being able to regulate one’s own emotional
responses is an essential component to empathy.
When teaching children empathy, one of the first steps is helping
children identify feelings, both in themselves and others. Why is it important to teach our children
empathy? Empathy helps children see the
world through someone else’s eyes.
Empathetic children become compassionate adults. Which is wonderful…until your child feels
bullied.
Our son came home after
school complaining (again) about a child who was being a “bully”. Frustrated by hearing yet another tale of our
son being physically accosted, the momma bear in me felt like marching down to
the school and scolding the child in question.
However, once a calmer head prevailed I decided to address the situation
in a different way.
I told my son that what
the child did was wrong, however I asked our son why he thought the child was
acting in that way. Our son looked at me
inquisitively. We talked about how not
everyone thinks before doing. That the
child was likely not thinking about how his actions could be hurtful to others.
There are many reasons
why a child might act in a hurtful way toward others, but that doesn’t mean he should get a pass on his behaviour. And
let’s face it, everyone can act like a jerk sometimes! We can’t change everyone else’s behaviour,
but we can manage our own responses.
This is an important lesson for our children to learn.
I remember when our son
was young bringing him to an indoor play centre. Our
son ran to me upset by another child who was pushing him. I told
him that he did not have to play with the child, that we do not spend time with
others who are not being nice. Our son
promptly told the child that he does not play with people who are not
nice. This was empowering to our son and
also stopped the other child in his tracks.
We are always teaching our children to be nice, but forget to tell them
when others are not nice they do not have to stand for it.
At home where our son is
most comfortable we have him practice what he would say if faced with unwelcome
behaviour. Rather than run away and tell
an adult right away, we want our son to feel confident asserting himself and
using his words effectively. We also
chat about what “bullying” means, because I think this term has become
overused. But, that is a discussion for
another time. I welcome your comments
and opinions, as always.
