To Tell or Not to Tell

Once you get labelled, people expect you to behave within the very narrow confines of that label.   

                                                                                                 -  Jo Brand

Many parents struggle with the decision to disclose their child’s diagnosis.   In my experience, exposing a person’s diagnosis can lead to a lowering of expectations, behaviorally, academically and in sports.   This is not only true for children, but adults too.  While children can face difficulty with achieving academic success, adults in the workplace can struggle with obtaining career advancement. 

As we embark on a new school year, many parents are likely concerned about how their child’s learning differences will impact on academic achievement and their school experience.  I have heard from several parents that they feel it is the school’s responsibility to identify whether their child has learning challenges, and if she or he does, to address these challenges.  In a perfect world, our schools would be able to do this.  What it would likely mean is smaller class sizes, additional teaching resources, and better training for teachers on how to identify and address learning differences. 

I think it is very important to understand that children with learning differences have the capacity to learn, they simply learn differently from their peers.  A learning difference does not correlate with a child’s intelligence.  Many parents, me included, worry that by disclosing their child’s learning differences, he will be labelled as less intelligent than is peers.  Our son has already become aware of his learning differences, and has voiced that he is not smart.  As you can imagine, I found this heartbreaking to hear coming from the mouth of our creative and curious little boy.  It also concerned me that his enjoyment in learning would be negatively impacted. 

We decided to disclose our son’s challenges to our school, prior to his starting school, because we wanted to work with our school to ensure adaptations were provided to enable our son to succeed in the classroom.  For me, it was also important that his teacher was aware of what to look for if he was becoming frustrated or disengaged in the classroom, and for us to be engaged in discussions about solutions.   

I will not lie, it hasn’t been easy obtaining resources for our son.  We take each school year one month at a time.  We remain in close contact with our school, and have also sought resources outside of our school.  There have been many frustrations and some success on the way.

Whether a parent chooses to disclose their child’s diagnosis is a very personal decision.  There are many factors that come into play, including how impactful a child’s diagnosis is on their learning experience, support of family and friends, and the parents own feelings about their child’s diagnosis.  

There is no right answer here.  We do what we think is right for our children.  Hopefully, with better education around learning differences and related diagnoses, our school system will grow to be better equipped at managing the learning needs of all children.  In the meantime, we keep pressing onward.